I work with women every week who claim that having a life of peace is their biggest priority. “A life of peace” doesn’t make for the best goal though. It’s not real specific. What’s that look like – really? I get it; they’re tired of the rushing, running, demands, difficult relationships and exhaustion. But if you can’t get clearer than “more peace”, you’re not going to go far.
So, my job in these cases is to help them dig a little deeper! I help them get to the heart of what a life of peace really means to them through a few specific questions. I thought I’d share those with you today! So, let’s get moving…
What does a life of peace look like?
I have my clients brainstorm what a typical day and week would look like if they were more peaceful. I force them to look at what they would want, rather than what they wouldn’t want. For example, “I wouldn’t be running children to activities every night” isn’t an option. Instead, I help them reframe that to “I have more time in the evening to enjoy my kids” or “I stay home more often in the evenings”.
Notice the phrasing (because it’s important) is present oriented rather than future and it is stated in a positive (as if it’s already happening). Both of these help them to begin to think bigger and look at what is important in life to them.
How does a life of peace feel?
After they’ve made their list of what it would look like, we review how reading those statements make them feel. This is where a lot of the limiting beliefs come up:
That’s just not realistic
My life can’t work that way
Everyone would be mad at me
What would ___ think of me?
We spend time challenging these and just focus on what the possibility of those things happening would feel like. Once they give themselves permission to experience what a life of peace feels like, then it’s easy to compare that with how they’re feeling right now. That tends to be a big wakeup call and motivates them to work on question #3.
How could I start moving more toward a life of peace?
They’ve got the ideas of what to do from question #1. We’ve worked through the hesitations and rules they’ve created that hold them back from making those changes in question #2. Now it’s time to take action and identify small, starter steps, to doing life differently.
Unfortunately, people like to skip steps 1 & 2 and just try to go to #3 when they feel overwhelmed. Well that’s why it doesn’t work. When you’re in overwhelm, you aren’t as creative at coming up with solutions and the same reasons that have held you back before, will surface when you try to make changes.
Make the time to work through all 3 steps, and you’re much more likely to succeed and make a real go at your own unique life of peace.
Let me help you get started right now, comment below with your ideas for what a life of peace would look like.