Alyssa, how long have you been doing what you do and how did you get to be a Transformational Coach and Counselor for Women?
Let me start with an explanation of why I do the work I do. I have been blessed to be married to my husband, Jaime for over 25 years and we have 2 great adult kids. Becoming a counselor was a pretty easy leap for me because I’d always felt a calling to help people. I received my Masters of Social Work degree in 1997. I then completed 2 years post-graduate training in order to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Women have always been a part of my practice, as I began my career working with families.
After several years, I began noticing that a lot of the women I worked with didn’t require counseling. Instead, they were looking for direction and skills to help them live a more purposeful life. At this point, I began my training for coaching.
I’d seen this desire in my own life. As my children grew up and needed me less and less I really struggled with “Now what?” My response to this was to do extra stuff around the house, run the errands, cook the meals, take the kids in 50 million directions all week long, and still try to have time for sleep, exercise and be amorous with my husband! All the while, I was still working full-time as a business owner!
I quickly found myself exhausted, irritable, and looking back – I wasn’t very pleasant to live with. I was so wrapped up in trying to be what I thought a “good” wife and mother looked like, I didn’t even see what a mess I was making of everything important to me.
As a relationship expert, you’d think I’d have seen the warning signs – but when it’s your own life you don’t see things as clearly. In the middle of all this craziness, I ended up with a back injury. I couldn’t move much due to excruciating pain – worse than childbirth! I sat around crying for a while, feeling sorry for myself. I knew I needed to take better care of myself and stop worrying about what everybody was thinking in order to be the person I wanted my family to see.
A lot changed as a result of that injury. Exercise is no longer optional. I HAVE to work out or the pain comes back. I also embraced the fact that I’m an introvert and need quiet time, alone, so I try to make sure that happens on a regular basis. I’m also much more intentional about the time spent with my family, rather than just doing things for them. But the greatest lesson I learned was that I had to let go of the unrealistic expectations I’d put on myself. All they did was cause me to constantly feel guilty for not measuring up.
The burden of those expectations caused me to be a lousy wife and an impatient, grouchy mother. Letting go of my belief that I had to do everything and it had to be perfect, allowed me to embrace and honor the person God made me to be. That doesn’t look like society’s version of perfect – but that’s ok.
Because of these life experiences, I have dedicated my professional life to helping stressed out, exhausted and over-committed women break free from the exhaustion of living their lives on autopilot, so they can enjoy their lives and their families as well as leave a legacy they can be proud of. Over the past 2 decades, I have authored 4 books, had over 300 of my articles published, and spoken to 50+ of women’s groups. I have worked with hundreds of women during my career. I’ve seen their marriages improve; their relationships with their kids strengthened; and proudly watched them step into the lives they were created for.
Who are your clients exactly?
I work with stressed out, exhausted and over-committed women who are tired of living their lives on autopilot. They’re bone tired. Their health, children, finances, friendships and marriage are all being impacted by the constant running and pressure they feel to be a “good” wife, mother, friend, co-worker, etc. My clients recognize their current way of living isn’t working for them anymore. They feel lost and fed up.
Most of the women I work with have had some significant event happen that wakes them up to the reality that they need more. This might include:
- A health scare
- Their marriage feels shaky or even a divorce
- A negative review at work that jeopardizes their income
- Feeling like they’re going to cry all the time
- A comment from their kids that shows them they aren’t meeting their kids’ needs like they thought they were.
They are bright and creative women. They’ve made several attempts, on their own, at making a change but nothing has worked long term. This leads them to doubt themselves even more and cause the spiral of struggle to worsen.
They’ve reached a point where they’re fed up with going it alone and KNOW they need someone to come along beside them and walk them through the changes they’re ready to make. They recognize the value of investing in themselves with their time, energy and resources.
What if I don’t fall into that category of client?
I work with lots of women, whether they are moms, single, divorced, married, working outside the home or choosing to stay at home. The core struggles of unrealistic expectations and exhaustion from trying to do too much are still present so they are definitely able to benefit from the work we do. As women, our relationships are critical to our happiness. When those aren’t going well, life doesn’t feel like it’s going well. Our work together allows you to create meaningful relationships with the people you love as well as support you in achieving higher levels of joy and peace because you’ll have more energy and focus.
What type of personality do you work best with and what is expected of me?
My services are created for stressed out, exhausted and over-committed women who are tired of feeling as if they are just going through the motions of life. They want genuine relationships. They want to do their best, not just “get by.” I work best with women who are ready, emotionally and financially, to make changes they’ve been longing for, for many years.
They are committed to doing the work and take personal responsibility for making the changes in their lives.
My programs are designed to help you have a definitive path to get you where you want to go. No more guess work. You know what’s expected, you know you’ll be supported and you’ll feel safe to make the changes you’re ready to make. And you’re ready to take a no excuses approach to getting there.
Being a fast paced, high achiever – I work best with other higher achievers who know what they want, but haven’t been able to figure out how to get it. They are ready for a step by step plan for moving ahead and they’re ready to move NOW!
What type of person will NOT be a good fit for you and your programs?
Please know I am very selective about who I work with. Your success is my utmost concern. I make sure new clients and I are a good fit for one another. It’s not fair for us to decide to work together if you’re not able to get the most out of it. If I don’t think our working together is going to be the best option for you, I will be honest with you and give you a referral to one of several other professionals I know and trust.
My services and programs are not for people who just want to use their insurance to see the cheapest provider.
My services are anything but run of the mill or cookie cutter. They are highly specialized and individualized to meet your unique needs.
These are principles and steps I’ve created and perfected during my 20+ years of service to thousands of clients. I provide the highest level of services and experiences for the women I work with. If you’re just looking for any old counselor or coach – I am NOT your woman. I am here to serve you with everything I can give. I want to help you become the woman you were created to be.
Another type of person I will not work with (without exception) is the person who doesn’t take responsibility for her actions. You are an adult and I will treat you as such. Your results are YOUR responsibility. I will provide you with everything you need to reach your goals, but you have to then do it. It is not my job to chase after you to turn in assignments, schedule appointments, and to take advantage of all of information I provide you with. That is your responsibility. If you are used to a lot of hand holding and coddling, I respectfully ask that you seek out another professional. We’ll probably not work well together and I wouldn’t want you to waste your time or money.
What exactly will we do together?
As I mentioned earlier, once the pain in my back was better, and I decided to live my life differently, I took specific steps in order to turn my life into something I enjoyed rather than just wandered through. I’ve taken those steps and taught them to my clients for years. These steps are now called the Vibrantly Live System™. It’s all about honoring your true self and stepping into the life you were created for.
The Vibrantly Live System™ is the foundation for all of my coaching programs. It is a 4 part process that shows you step by step how to break free from the exhaustion and into a life that’s meaningful and filled with joy. Click here to learn exactly what I teach those clients and what my The Vibrantly Live System™ looks like.
Because of the more personal nature of counseling services, your treatment plan will be geared specifically to the unique problem you are seeking assistance with. Distinct skills and goals will be established and moving toward those will be the focus of our work together. Click here to see the specific packages I offer for my counseling clients.
Does this really work?
Yes! The women I work with are healthier because the stress level in their life is dramatically reduced. They have more energy because they’re doing more of what they enjoy rather than activities that drain and lead to exhaustion. Their relationships with loved ones are improved because not every second of their lives is scheduled. They KNOW they are leaving a legacy they can be proud of because they are modeling a life they want their children to live when they’re adults. But don’t take my word for it – check out my client success stories.
What specific results can I expect?
You can expect to:
- Experience freedom from negative thoughts – enough beating yourself up!
- Let go of worries about what other think – feel confident that you know what’s right for you and your family.
- Live a more simplified life – ahhh! We say we want this all the time –now’s your chance to really learn what it means and how to get it!
- Be more intentional about the decisions you make – no more saying “yes” to things you know you don’t want to do.
- Have meaningful and fulfilling relationships – No more wishing – make this a reality for you.
- Learn to manage everyday stress– This means you’ve got more patience with your loved ones, you’re less likely to bite someone’s head off and you smile more!
- Have a sense of calm in your life – No more “unexplained” meltdowns.
- Give yourself permission to make yourself a priority - You’ll honor your needs and recognize your value. This allows you to give yourself more fully to the people you love rather than feeling resentful over the demands people place on you.
- Find more peace – no more feeling scattered. You’ll have a systematic approach for staying focused on what matters and for tackling one thing at a time.
- Confidence that you’re modeling how to vibrantly live to your children and all the other important people in your life.
- Stronger, healthier relationships with others – You’ll know how to spend your time, who to invest it in, and who to protect yourself from.
- Feel confident in your ability to make important decisions – Know you’re on the right path rather than constantly doubting yourself.
- Not sweat the small stuff – know what’s truly important and make choices that support that.
- Relax and enjoy life more– No more stressing out!
- Develop consistent time to work on yourself without guilt – Keeping your spirit filled is what allows you to give freely to others.
- Learn skills to think things through rather than react and get upset.
- Set appropriate boundaries to take better care of yourself and ultimately your family.
- Take your spiritual relationship to a new level. No more using it as a last resort, see it as a strength and make it real for you.
- Understand that you are making an impact not only on your loved ones, but your community and world at large.
How quickly can I expect to see a difference?
Obviously this depends on how much time and energy you put into the process. Most of my clients begin noticing significant changes within the first couple of weeks. Let’s be honest, these are things you’ve wanted for a really long time, but had no clue how to go about making them a reality. I see it all the time. Most of my clients are a little jaded, because they’ve tried everything they could think of. They feel defeated and at the end of their rope. Hope, joy, peace, rest, meaningful relationships – those aren’t things for everybody else! They can be yours! Let me show you how to get them.
Why should I hire someone to help me? Can’t I just do this on my own?
My answer to this is a simple one. If you could have done this on your own, wouldn’t you have already done it by now? We both know you would have. Hiring me, doesn’t make you weak. You aren’t a failure because you need support in dealing with this. These are the most common things the women I work with fear.
They are strong and very capable women. They are super high achievers, and have been most of their lives. That drive to achieve has served them very well during other phases of their life. But it isn’t serving them well in this season. Our bodies were created to need down time. That’s why we sleep! That need to go, go, go and never sit still doesn’t serve us after awhile. The stress adds up and begins to negatively impact.
I KNOW that the women I work with, have tried everything they can think of to slow down, enjoy life more and just be content with the here and now. But they’re stuck. That doesn’t make them weak. It just means they don’t have the tools yet to do life differently. That’s what I offer them. Those are the tools I had to learn. Those are the tools I’ve been teaching my clients for over two decades.
I’m so busy, what if I don’t have time to do the work?
If you ever wonder what’s REALLY important to someone, all you need to do is look at their calendar and their checkbook. What we spend time on and what we spend money on, says a lot about us.
Sure you’re busy! That’s part of the problem, isn’t it? You’re SO busy, you’re drained and don’t have the energy to really enjoy all you’ve been blessed with. My question to you is this: “When will things slow down? When will be a better time for you to work on this?” We both know the answer is “Never.”
Now is your time! You’re here, reading this page right now because you’re at a defining moment in your life. You wouldn’t have read this far, if you didn’t know you need to make a change. Why would you put that off, one second longer?
Look at what these patterns have cost you so far? Your sense of well-being, your health, your productivity at work, your relationships with your kids, intimacy with your husband? And let’s not forget, how much money you’ve spent trying to make yourself feel better on short-term endeavors like a new haircut, that new outfit, or eating out!
What other costs are you going to endure? Now is your time to make this change. Don’t use “I’m busy” as an excuse to continue in this pattern one second longer.
How do I know it will be worth the money?
How many days of work have you missed due to struggling with the exhaustion? Sure, some of those days were probably paid, but think of the REAL vacation time you COULD have used! Time that could have been spent with your family – having fun, or a quiet day for yourself to relax and enjoy.
What’s it costing you relationally? Are loved ones just getting your left overs because you’re so tired? Is that causing tension in your marriage or your friendships? How much time and energy are your loved ones eating up, worrying about how you’re doing?
What about your kids? How is this impacting them on a daily basis? Are they not getting a fully engaged mom who actively pours into them because you’re just too tired to “give” anymore? What would it be worth to KNOW you’re being a better mom – not only in how you interact with the kids, but also by what you’re modeling in front of them all the time?!
How much is it worth to you, to finally be living the life you know you were created for? Let go of worries about what everyone thinks and have meaningful relationships with the ones you love?
C’mon – we both know that we blow all kinds of money trying to make ourselves feel better – manicures, highlights, massages, shopping sprees. But in the end does any of that bring long lasting benefit? No! We feel good for a little bit, but then another argument happens, or our kids act like they don’t know us. We sit around feeling useless and wonder “What’s next?” Isn’t it time to vibrantly live?
What if I can’t afford it?
All too often, we quickly jump to “I can’t afford it” without really thinking things through.
I want to start by shifting your mindset from “I can’t afford it” to “How can I afford it?” My job is to get you to think in an empowered way about how to move forward, and sometimes that means getting creative about how to afford the guidance that you need. While I’m happy to work with clients to help them find a way to pay for a program, I also ask that if you feel you’re ready to work with me that you do some thinking in advance about how you may be able to afford the program.
I know from personal experience. If we truly want something, we find the money to make it happen. Over the past several years, I personally have invested tens of thousands on my personal growth. I understand the value of investing in myself. Has it required getting very creative and being willing to sacrifice certain things? Sure it has! But, they’ve made me the wife, mom, daughter, friend, and professional I am today. It really comes down to how bad you truly want to make a change in your life.
What if I feel selfish wanting to invest in myself?
I think that’s a typical knee-jerk reaction for us ladies. We’ll do for everyone else before we think about doing anything for ourselves. But, don’t you see? That’s the thinking that got you to this point to begin with! Being a martyr and putting everyone before you is the selfish act. It causes you to feel less important, taken advantage of, and leads to bitterness and resentment.
I always say that moms are the heart of a family. If we aren’t in a good place, then the whole family suffers. It is selfish NOT to invest in yourself and continue as you have been. It is selfish to continue living a half-life because that’s what you’re teaching your daughters to do. That’s what you’re teaching your sons to expect from their wives. And you’re robbing your husband of a vibrant relationship with the woman he married.
I need to talk to my husband about this first. How would you suggest talking to him?
That’s a great question! You absolutely need to talk to him. One of my favorite sayings is “Everything changes when you change.” That means that when you begin doing this work, it will have ripple effects toward everyone in your life. So the important people in your life need to be prepared for things to change (for the better!)
I’ve found that my clients' husbands are very supportive. He’s been worried about you for awhile. He sees how tired you are. He sees the lack of joy in your everyday experiences. A lot of the time, he’s tried to help lighten the load for you, but you’ve pushed the offers aside because you feel you “should” be doing everything.
Your husband loves you and he loves his kids. He wants to see you happy and he wants you to be in a good place. He sees the pressure you feel trying to balance everything. When you’re torn between lots of commitments, and feel you aren’t doing any of it well, that directly impacts the amount of attention you can give him. Your husband needs to know he’s just as much of a priority in your life as the kids are. Just because he’s an adult and can take care of himself, doesn’t mean he doesn’t need you. He may not say those words directly, but you’ll know when he’s feeling neglected. That’s when there’s tension, irritability and he’s less interested in being helpful.
One of the best suggestions I can offer you, is to have your husband read this interview so he can understand who I am and the type of work you’re going to be doing with me. And then secondly, be honest with him. If you haven’t been up front about how you’re feeling and then you suddenly talk to him about investing in a program, he won’t understand where that’s coming from. Now is not the time to keep answering his question of “Are you ok?” with “I’m fine”. Or “Is everything ok?” with “Everything’s great!” Tell, him how exhausted you are. Tell him the specifics of what you’ve already tried and how working with me is the answer you need.
OK, I’m interested in learning more. What are next steps?
Contact my team by filling out the form below and they’ll be happy to schedule a Get Acquainted Call with me to walk you through different options and to see if working together will be a good fit. I can’t wait to chat with you and learn more.