Peace of mind can come from all sorts of places, but it definitely doesn’t come from assuming things about other people. We jump to conclusions all the time when it comes to people. These assumptions can get us in all sorts of problems. One of the most common errors is assuming someone is or will be disappointed in you.
The difficulty with this assumption is that it puts a lot of pressure on you. This fear of disappointing others forces us to spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep people happy. This one can put you over the edge with exhaustion.
This is a common reason for overwhelm during the holidays when we’re around family more than usual or hosting more frequently. Beliefs that the house, the food, and the gifts, all have to be perfect, do not lead toward peace of mind!
Instead they lead to overdoing it. Why? In order to feel like you’ve earned someone’s approval. If we don’t feel we’ve measured up, then we worry about disappointing someone.
I recently had a coaching client who was struggling with these disappointment assumptions. She assumed that if she didn’t host a family gathering, her children were going to be extremely disappointed. Her life had shifted this year and thinking about hosting this event was causing her a lot of stress. She no longer had the time and energy to devote to it as she had in the past.
With some coaching, she was able to see that it wasn’t a failure to let her children know she wasn’t available. Once she reached out to them, she found out that her adult daughter has been wanting to take over this event for the past several years. She wasn’t disappointed in the slightest when my client said she didn’t want to host. Instead, she jumped at the opportunity to host this family tradition at her own home.
As my client and I discussed the process she went through, she recognized the wasted time and energy over this. She’d feared an unknown. Her daughter had feared disappointing her by even asking if she could host.
All of us make assumptions every day. This is why clearly communicating what’s important to us is essential if we’re going to have truly meaningful relationships and peace of mind.
Here’s Your Vibrantly Live Challenge: What actions are you continuing to do, for fear of disappointing someone, that no longer serve you? Can you think of a way to have a conversation with that person to share with them how you feel and brainstorm together how a compromising change could occur?
Be sure to share your ideas below. Until next time – get out there and vibrantly live! Bye!